I just know that you can rip my heart out if I let you. And I won't.

Humans are poor lie detectors. Every single uttered word can be a calculated move. No, I'm not paranoid. I'm just not very gullible. If it were anyone else who said all those things, I would be much more inclined to believe her.

Innocence gives one the entitlement to be righteous, to be harsh, to be unsympathetic and critical. Once upon a time, I viewed meddlers as pathetic, as being dragged by the nose and carrying with them the lack of pride to settle as second best. But as always, once you find yourself in the position previously thought to be unenviable, your minds strives for congruence, justification and peace.

A part of me anticipated this as an unavoidable consequence following that phone call. But another part felt that if there's no room for me to meddle by my mere presence, you would have said no, walked away and I would have found another way to deal with my problem. Desperate times called for desperate measures. And no, it was not an excuse to lure you back into my life.

Would I rather be her? Not at all. The lack of a sense of entitlement means it's all about here and now, and when this arrangement expires, nothing else will linger.